Tuesday, 8 August 2006

Discoveries and Disappointments
Mood:  don't ask

So I have been doing some thinking about my life and I was like why am I putting myself through alot of pain and suffering for nothing. I am alittle upset with the way that my life turned out but I know that it is all my fault. Now I know that everyone is like Precious, dont you think that you are being alittle hard on yourself. NO! I dont! Here's the evidence:

1. Loren is my soulmate! I knew it since the first time that I met him that it was something about him that was special. That I just needed him in my life. But now, we arent even really talking to each other. Its all because I felt insecure about his feelings towards me. I decided on my own not to let my wall down and to let him go on thinking that I didnt trust him. But I do. Its just that I cant help but to think that he could do so much better than me, and he is doing better than me. He has someone that loves him unconditionally. Someone that doesnt question him. And thats who he's with now. I lost him because I cant stand to be without him,  now I am without him.

2. My children in my life was always important to me. It was always something that I needed to make me feel like I was leaving something in this world that would carry on my family. They were going to be those pieces in my life that I need to make me feel special. So now I was talking with the doctors and they want to sit down with me and talk about how much time I have left to have children. I never thought that this would happen to me, but it has.

3. Torry, he has been my friend for a while now. But now I cant even stand to hear his voice. He's someone that tried to take that last piece of life that you have left in you and drain it out. I dont think he knows what it means to be a friend. I have tried to be there for him. But between his baby's momma, and the baby, and his court date, I am completely drained. I cant take anymore. So I havent called him in hopes that he wont call me again. Friends are suppose to be there for you, they are suppose to try to hurt you whenever they can.

4. My dance partner, Troy. He's a nice guy but there is just that thing of I am leaving soon and I cant have a relationship right now. I mean, he's perfect. But the timing is off and I know that we could never be together. He's just not someone that I could see myself loving at all. I mean dont get me wrong, he's a great partner, and a great kisser. But I love someone else, and I dont think I could ever love anyone the way that I love the person I have been in love with since middle school/ high school.

5. Virginia- enough said! I cant stand this place. Everything about this place makes me ill. I cant wait to move in November its crazy. So I can get back to being me!

I just know that somewhere everything has to work out to where I can finally get to be happy, but when?? When am I actually going to be loved back? When will I get my turn to get what I want? Time will tell but until then, Later!

Posted by monique151802 at 2:08 AM EDT

Updated: Wednesday, 9 August 2006 12:25 AM EDT

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