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My Life  «
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#1 Fucked And Abused

Wednesday, 21 June 2006

Who and The Hell Does He Think He Is?????
Mood:  irritated
Topic: My Life
Now I guess the I have to bring this up cause it has been bothering me since it happened. I was talking on the phone the other day and I get this text, and you will never believe who it is. It was Tom. Now for everyone that doesnt know the background on everything, Tom and I were talking and he said that he was going to call me, but of course he never did. So now, about a month later, this bitch decides to call me and says, "I want to talk to you." "What in the hell do you want to talk to me about, what about you disappearing off the face of the earth?" "Well see there is a very good reason why I didnt call you." "And what reason was that, you got what you wanted and now you dont want me anymore? Matter of fact, why are you calling me? What are you horny and you need to help out your urge?" "No, if you let me tell you I will, my ship had to deploy and I wasnt able to call you." "Okay so thats for email too, cause I know that your boat has email." "Precious I am trying to say that I am sorry, I like you alot. I didnt want to seem like an ass, please forgive me." "Fine what do you want?" "A second chance, to show you that I am a nice person." "Okay, but as a friend, cause I dont trust you."

So now I am pissed cause this ass decided to call me and make my week pissy. I hate him!!!! Not to mention, that I was in a really good mood seeing that I talked to my baby Loren. He really makes me feel special. I love him so much.

I went to the beach the other day and I had a blast. I played in the ocean, and sat in the sand for hours. It was amazing, I love to be around water, you can truly tell that I am a cancer, water soothes me.

Well thats it for today, hopefully more tomorrow. Later!!!!!


Posted by monique151802 at 11:27 PM EDT
Updated: Thursday, 22 June 2006 1:47 AM EDT

Sunday, 18 June 2006

Whats A Girl To Do???
Mood:  special
Now Playing: Hanging By A Moment by Lifehouse
Topic: My Life
Well first let me start by I feel a little better. I have been talking to my friends and they have been letting me know that they are here for me. Its funny, I never knew how awesome my friends were until I told the truth. But the best part is that I have decided to let go of this high school crush and be with the one person that knows me inside and out. This person has loved me longer than anyone that I have ever been with, and it is one of the guys that I have been talking about. Do you wanna know who it is??????? .....Well...., its Loren. He has been like the rock that I needed when things get hard. Now that everything has changed in my life and I know exactly what I am here on this earth for, I have a grip on my life and my reality. It cool, that now I can talk freely and be myself. So first, I am a practicing pagan, now I am still a Christian for everyone that's about to be like, devil child and all that mess, but I love nature, and I love to celebrate that. Next, I have been talking to only true friends. It seems like I was lost in some type of twisted reality and I thought that I could count on everyone, not true. In fact, I only have like four true friends right now. They care for me like I care about them. They are Loren, Reka, Anna, and Adrienne. They love me just for who I am, and I like that. Next, I let go of the past. I had to let go of the anger, and fear that I had bottled up inside of me for years. So now, I an honestly say that I feel a little better about things. Last but not least, I can say now, I love myself!!!!! Yes it sounds really conceited, but I do. I love that I love rock music, I love that I write rock music, I love that I love that ocean and that I love poetry. That I love sex, and that I am comfortable with my sexuality. Yes I am people, I can say that I like my body, but I still have work to do. And last but not least, I love dancing and singing. I live for those. Its where I can let go of everything that bothers me in the world and go into my little space and hide. Okay I am done for now, later!!!


Posted by monique151802 at 12:22 AM EDT
Updated: Sunday, 18 June 2006 12:44 AM EDT

Friday, 16 June 2006

What I Did.
Mood:  down
Topic: My Life
Okay I am finally coming clean. I read some stuff today and I am not proud of what I have been doing, but I want to tell the truth. Everyday, for the last past two weeks, I have tried to kill myself. This morning, I was almost very successful. I read somewhere that if you mix a certain drink and ambien, which I am on, you can kill yourself. So today, I went and mixed the two, and I couldnt wake up. I didnt wake up until I got beat up by my friend tonight at about 7. I was really disorientated and I couldnt breathe. So I was thinking, no one cares what happens, no one cares if I die. I have had a best friend day when I was younger that I never got over, then alot of family members. The family that I have left dont care if I am here or not. The only friends that I have are back in St.Louis and I am scared that I am losing them. I feel out of place. I have never been the popular one so I dont expect for people to care. What can I look forward to. My life has been a horrible mess. I have been raped twice, I have almost been molested by my step father, lied to and beat by my mom, my real dad beat me. Where do I belong? And the worse part is the guy that I love doesnt love me and I know it. the fact of the matter is that I am alone in this world. All the guys just want to have sex with me and leave me, and all the real friends that I have are not around. It makes me want to go home and try again. I dont want to make it to my next birthday. Everyday I wish that someone would come and kill me. But it never happens. The more I am on this earth, the more I will try. Jeff tried to kill himself and I just cant take this anymore. So if this is the last entry I love you all.


Posted by monique151802 at 12:37 AM EDT
Updated: Sunday, 18 June 2006 12:44 AM EDT

Thursday, 15 June 2006

Tired of this
Mood:  crushed out
Topic: My Life
Okay, now for my first entry, I am going to start with a small introduction. My name is Precious, I live in Virginia, I am from St.Louis. I am 21 years old. I am trying to get my life together, but unfortunately, I am suck in a place in my life where I am not happy. Now for the juice stuff. I have loved and lost. I have tried to hide the fact that I am hurting but the truth is winning out. I am in love with two men. One's name is Loren. I have known him since middle school and he's changed alot, but what happens with us is that it was suppose to be me and him. But he is with his girlfriend back in St.Louis. So with me and him,its complicated. Now the other guy is Jeff. I have known Jeff since high school. We dated briefly but nothing serious. I just told him recently that I loved him, then he was with some girl and I knew that I had no chance in hell with him. Now he is not dating her but he is not telling me how he feels. I have always been in love with them, but everything has been so complicated. life has been hell with that. So I tried to replace them, that didnt work. So now I have vowed to make myself happy, by driving my friend insane talking about them. So me and my friend Shareka have taken it upon ourselves to help each other out with our love lives. I help her get her guy, and she helps me. She seems to think that Loren and I belong together, and I dont doubt that, but I dont know if he really wants to be with me. So I have tried to put that in the back of my mind and go for Jeff. So reka is helping get with Jeff. She told him that I cant stop talking about him and that he needs to call me to talk about me. I cant wait until he does call so that I can get a handle on things. Until then I am unpatiently hanging onto the notion that we will be together. So now you know my warped life in relationships. Now for work stuff. I am a nurse, I am back in school for my R.N., I cant wait for the moment when I get it, I am going to buy a house. Next friends, I have awesome friends that you will hear about more as this thing progresses. So I wont go there right now. So for now, later


Posted by monique151802 at 2:52 AM EDT
Updated: Sunday, 18 June 2006 12:44 AM EDT

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