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Friday, 23 June 2006
Why Is This Happening To Me?????
Mood:
 hug me
Now Playing: Dreaming Of You By Selena
Okay, now today started off pretty well. I talked to my Loren before I went to sleep and all was well. I love talking to him. He just makes me feel so good and he knows it. Its something about his voice that just makes everything better. I love him so much. Well enough with the mushy stuff. We talked until we basically almost fell asleep on each other.
So I went to sleep, woke up and had all these text messages on my phone. So I slowly start returning the texts, then that's when I see it, the most unlikely person texted me. Wanna know who it was.... take a guess... It was Jeff. Now normally I would have been thrilled to hear from him. But I really didnt know if I wanted to answer or not. Seeing that I knew that things between me and him are very weird and I dont want to make things weird than they are. So I read his text and he was like. Hey precious, just wanted to let you know that I was okay. I have been really busy so dont worry about me. I'll try to call you later, bye:).
Part of me screamed inside cause I knew that this couldnt be good. This type of thing just doesnt happen to just everyone, just me!!! Its weird, that a few months ago things were extremely different. I loved Jeff with all my heart and soul. I thought that deep down I wanted to be with him. But I was so wrong. I made the right choice. I choose Loren, hands down. But now, Jeff and I cant really talk. I dont know if its just that I dont want to bring up the past with him, or I think that I may have feelings for him. Whatever it is, it cant be good.
So I did some meditating, and I came to a conclusion. I cant trust myself around Jeff. Its not that I think that something would happen, its just that I dont think that I can stand to be in the same room with him. The mere thought of it makes me sick. I feel like he used me to try and sleep with me, make me back up plan. I cant be his back up plan, Im way too good for that. So I decided to make sure that this issue could never come up later on. I know, it seems selfish seeing as if he just tried to take his own life and I should be there for him, but I cant take that chance, not anymore.
So after that, I got a text from Mike. Seeing how I was doing and wondering if he could get a back massage, yeah right!! I then heard later from Anna that she got the same damn text! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! Who and the hell does he think that he is? Does he really think that he can have two friends?? Did he think that I would find out??? Well, sorry dumbass, I did!! And I dont want anything else to do with him. Its a wrap.
So now I am trying to plan my birthday out, since I have that day off. I am going to make the most of it. Well Later freaks, geeks, and everyone in between!!! Im out!!
Posted by monique151802
at 12:45 AM EDT
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